I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
