I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
