I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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