Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
