So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
