remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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