I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
