When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
