He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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