if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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