I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
