if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think i have two assholes
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
