He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
