I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
