she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
