If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
