I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
