sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
