hell yes lets make some ravioli
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
