I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
