I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
