haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
