why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
