you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
