He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
