Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
