My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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