i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I need moral support for this bender
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
