spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
