half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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