3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
