Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
