I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
