My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i've created a new STD.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
