is your mom at the bar?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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