Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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