my sisters under your porch take her home
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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