Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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