Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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