The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
