Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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