can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
