i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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