Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
