Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
