thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
