When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
