my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
