Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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