You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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